6/30/04
I know you already knew this, but today is an historic day. It was on this day in 1863 that the democrat party was founded. It happened thusly:
Elias "The Moron" Kingman walked into the Bureau of Registration of Political Parties, which, among other things, registers political parties. He said "I understand ol' Abe Lincoln formed hisself a political party. I’d like to form one, too."
Okay.
We want to oppose ol' Abe's party. I don't like 'im.
That’s fine. So, you’re going to need a platform.
What’s that?
A list of things you believe. For example, where do you stand on abortion?
We’re agin’ it.
Let me check. Sorry, sir, that position’s already been taken.
D-oh! Okay, we’ll be for it.
How about labor?
Oughta’ be market driven.
Sorry, that’s already been taken as well.
Okay, we’ll be for labor unions.
And what about national defense?
Strong national defense.
Ooh, bad news, sir . . .
Don’t tell me that’s been taken, too?
Yes, sir, I’m afraid it has. So you’ll be in favor of an
ineffective national defense?
Can we at least say we support our troops?
Well, you can say it . . .
Okay. Our party supports the idea of a pathetic national defense.
And so it went:
Crime?
Tough on crime.
Taken.
Okay. Soft on crime.
Taxes?
Low taxes.
Taken.
Confiscatory taxes.
Size of government?
Limited.
Taken.
Big government.
Finally, the party platform had been outlined, consisting basically of leftover positions that nobody else wanted. The registrar said "That will be one dollar."
But I haven’t got a dollar.
Well, we could waive the fee if you allow me to name your party.
Okay. Could we get something exotic, you know like foreign, like Greek or something?
How about democrats?
I'll take it. What’s it mean?
It means A day late and a dollar short.
Frank Leany
