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The Birth of the Democrat Party

I know you already knew this, but today is an historic day. It was on this day in 1863 that the democrat party was founded. It happened thusly:

Elias "The Moron" Kingman walked into the Bureau of Registration of Political Parties, which, among other things, registers political parties. He said "I understand ol' Abe Lincoln formed hisself a political party. Iíd like to form one, too."


We want to oppose ol' Abe's party. I don't like 'im.

Thatís fine. So, youíre going to need a platform.

Whatís that?

A list of things you believe. For example, where do you stand on abortion?

Weíre aginí it.

Let me check. Sorry, sir, that positionís already been taken.

D-oh! Okay, weíll be for it.
How about labor?
Oughtaí be market driven.
Sorry, thatís already been taken as well.
Okay, weíll be for labor unions.
And what about national defense?
Strong national defense.
Ooh, bad news, sir . . .
Donít tell me thatís been taken, too?
Yes, sir, Iím afraid it has. So youíll be in favor of an ineffective national defense?
Can we at least say we support our troops?
Well, you can say it . . .
Okay. Our party supports the idea of a pathetic national defense.

And so it went:

Tough on crime.
Okay. Soft on crime.
Low taxes.
Confiscatory taxes.
Size of government?
Big government.

Finally, the party platform had been outlined, consisting basically of leftover positions that nobody else wanted. The registrar said "That will be one dollar."

But I havenít got a dollar.

Well, we could waive the fee if you allow me to name your party.

Okay. Could we get something exotic, you know like foreign, like Greek or something?

How about democrats?

I'll take it. Whatís it mean?

It means A day late and a dollar short.

Frank Leany

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