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The Care and Feeding of Laws

I wonder if our little friends over at Amnesty International were too busy wailing about our treatment of prisoners to catch the latest news story. Seems one of the waste of skin walking pile of dog---uh, sorry, one of the alleged misguided freedom fighters was scared of flying so out of human kindness we sedated the bas-- uh, the individual for his trip to Guantanamo Bay. Oh, dearie me, scared of flying you poor sweet creature, come 'ere get a hug, big airplane go boom lots of bad guys try to blow it up. Join the club, scumsucker, the whole post 9-11 world's scared of flying. Thanks for that.

See, were I running the show he'd have his mouth duct taped so he couldn't bother the flight crew with his screaming and bawling then he'd get tossed out the cargo door in full view of all the other prisoners when the plane was over the Atlantic. Little USMC interrogating trick there. You line them all up by the open door and start chucking the wasted flesh out until one of them gets diarrhea of the mouth and gives you some useful information.

But our fine pals at A.I. are right about how we treat prisoners, they're just screwed up (surprise, surprise) about the reason. According to Skip and Trixie, unemployed humanities majors prowling for something to protest, if we treat prisoners badly other nations will say we are the great Satan and they will treat our prisoners badly. That's true. But if we house them in the Waldorf Astoria and treat them like royalty other nations will call us the great Satan and mistreat our prisoners.

See, this is an old NASCAR trick. You show up to the track with tires that are too wide and too soft a compound and the inspector says you have to change them to race. You kick and scream and raise a ruckus and threaten to cause an uprising with all the drivers in the pits and then you go back to your pit and change the tires to the ones you planned on running anyway. Satisfied at having won that confrontation, the inspector never even checks your fuel line that holds an extra gallon of gas or your engine that's set back too far or the carburetor that's too big.

Those excrement piles stored in sacks of human flesh that they are interrogating down at Guantanamo Bay are the military's illegal tires. The unemployed busybodies get to complain about how prisoners are being treated and we say okay, okay, we're going to build them a nice facility with an indoor pool, then Skip and Trixie the humanities majors get to feel like their existence is justified in spite of the fact that they contribute nothing to society. Meanwhile, those who guard the wall between barbarism and civility are using time-tested methods of causing intense pain to various humanoid-shaped incarnations of evil on the other side of the planet. This they do without the intervention of Skip and Trixie to keep the world safe for Skip and Trixie to protest in.

Now, given the nature of these carbon-based parasites, the 6x9 cages some are complaining about are perfectly adequate for up to three terrorists as long as you don't stack them more than about six high. But, wait, these are people accused of a crime. In a perfect world they would have been killed in the commission of a crime, but under our society they must be processed according to rules. That's 'cause we still haven't found a way to not have the rules apply universally. When we violate the law in our treatment of someone 'cause we think they broke the law, we lose the protection of the law. Thomas More: (in response to the guy who said he would cut down every law in his pursuit of the devil) Then when the devil turns on you, where do you run for protection, having destroyed the very structure that provided it? . . . or words to that effect.

See, we treat prisoners well because that's the rules and we're fighting to preserve a way of life that follows rules. It's the old story about the guy who held the door for a hooker and she said, "Don't waste your time, I'm no lady." The guy said, "Yes, but I am a gentleman."

Topic the second: Here it is one more time for the lottery ticket-buying masses: Osama Bin Laden has no agenda other than causing trouble. When I was a kid the hoods in town would go around breaking off car radio aerials. They got such a big kick out of it because they could get a quarter a piece for them down at the recyclers . . . no, wait a minute, they didn't get anything for it. They just liked wrecking stuff. Now days we get people sending around e-mail viruses. Every time a virus hits another computer they get another quarter electronically deposited in their account . . . no, wait a minute, they don't get anything for it. They just get sick pleasure out of causing harm.

Bin Laden is a vandal. Nothing more. He's a punk kid, he just happens to be a punk kid with 300 million dollars. If he claims to have a religious, political, social or economic agenda, it's just a ploy to help him recruit other fools to help him get his rocks off.

Okay, final topic. Johnny Bin Walker. Why hasn't that pile of crap been turned over to the Northern Alliance already? End of debate.

Frank Leany

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