|The Perfect Man
And other myths
The deer season opened, as you probably know
Where men all go out and brave cold and snow
In search of a buck, that elusive ol' beast.
Which women can't fathom, no not in the least.
See, men are different in their wants and desires
They differ from women in what lights their fires
The trouble's not being from Mars or from Venus
But that a man is quite simply life support for a penis.
So women don't know why their men hunt for deer
Or why they're so crazy at this time of year.
But women have a hunt going on all their own--
The hunt for a man who's a Mel Gibson clone.
Men are quite plentiful, that's not the trouble,
But finding a good one amongst all the rubble
Is not unlike searching for diamonds or treasure
Or finding a nun in a palace of pleasure
Greg is okay but a little bit wimpy,
Harold is buff but his brains are quite skimpy,
Steve has the money and Jason the body
Wade has the brains but he dresses all shoddy.
Wouldn't it be a great situation
If one could develop a male-type creation
That was a composite of lots of these guys?
You'd have to start out with Mel Gibson's eyes.
The body of Arnold would do you just fine
Then inside you'd insert George Will's nimble mind.
John-John's good looks and Letterman's humor
And Dan Rather's nose for finding a rumor.
Wrap it all up in Bill Gates's money
Ship it out here and you've got a honey.
All that is lacking is a man that can feel--
Try Santa, since now you're just being unreal.