Frank's Preamble to Truth Alert:We the people of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, in order to torture the helpless creatures underendowed with brains, establish silliness and promote the general irritainment of mankind, do ordain and establish this Truth Alert for the benefit of Leany on Life readers.

TRUTH ALERT:
November 3, 2003

Was that really Frank Leany caught on video shooting that lawyer outside a courthouse? The legal industry would like you to believe that Mr. Leany, a well-known opponent of larceny using law books instead of guns, would advocate the elimination of lawyers by whatever means. They even cite the fact that Mr. Leany is a fat, balding, ugly white guy just like the man in the video!

The truth? Mr. Leany was not the man in the video shooting the lawyer. Although Mr. Leany has been variously described as fat, ugly, balding, and a rat bastard, it can easily be proven that he was not the fat, ugly, balding rat bastard shown in the video.

First of all, Frank Leany is a well-known gun nut. The man in the video shot multiple times at point blank range and inflicted no mortal wounds. Had that been Mr. Leany, he would have missed, too (hey, I said he was a gun nut, not that he could actually hit a barn shooting from inside of it), but he would have been much more upset about it. I mean, think about it, if the sight of George Stephanopolis on TV throws him into a rage, what are the chances he would be so calm about missing someone he was trying to kill?

Second, on the date in question Frank was at home doing absolutely nothing to further the welfare of mankind, an act that was witnessed by no less than three cows, a psychotic horse, and 35 lazy chickens.

Which date was that? It doesn't matter. The days of Frank's life are like snowflakes: every one unique and any one indistinguishable from all the rest.

TRUTH ALERT:
October 30, 2003

What's all this fuss about Frank's involvement in the breakup of Bennifer? The Hollywood spin machine would like you to believe that Mr. Leany, a greek god of Adonis-like proportions, was the underlying cause of this breakup. Someone even said he rented a movie once that J-Lo was in!

The truth? Mr. Leany denies any involvement with Jennifer Lopez as far as you know.. Although it is a generally accepted fact that J-Lo, like thousands of attractive women all over the globe, is passionately in love with Mr. Leany and hot for his bod, desperately mad with desire and obsessed with continuing fantasies about him, Mr. Leany had no direct involvement in her decision not to marry Ben Affleck.

Furthermore, no film exists showing Mr. Leany with Ms. Lopez! Rumors to the effect that all such negatives have been bought and destroyed have never been proven.

By the way, no one has ever proven that Marie Osmond's obsession with Frank led to her divorce and no link has ever been established between his marriage and her nervous breakdown.

TRUTH ALERT:
October 29, 2003

Was Mr. Leany really responsible for the California fires? Environmentalist whackos would have you believe that their tunnel-vision approach which results in the destruction of forests does not result in the destruction of forests. In the view of an enviro-mentalcase, burning a forest down is much preferred to thinning by logging.

The truth? Mr. Leany was not in California at the time of the fires, a fact witnessed by millions of Californians who didn't see him there.. While it is true that he did nothing to try to intervene in the ridiculous forestry management of the state that resulted in the deadly fires, that same indictment could be made of an entire nation that tolerates jackasses parading around in the costume of enviro-mentalcases.

In fact, Mr. Leany did once yell at the radio when an environmentalist was being interviewed. What more can one man do?

Allegations that the fires were a result of Catherine Zeta Jones's having the supernova hot McGuillicutties for Leany are under investigation and therefore cannot be commented on in this forum.